


In another life

by orphan_account



Category: The Politician (TV 2019)
Genre: F/M, Non-Chronological, Sad, james and alice deserved better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 12:08:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21270797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "I would never be the guy you would leave someone in the altar for."Hearing that broke her heart in a completely new way."You could have been."Perhaps, in another life.





	In another life

**Author's Note:**

> The fact that Alice and James had an affair that was completly forgotten by the story is so unfair and i wanted to give them some more backstory. The title is from the song "Teresinha" by Maria Bethânia which was one of my inspirations to write this.

James tried his best to give a soothing look for Alice before he closed the door to her room to talk to Payton. He had just found the two together in her bed, in the middle of a great moment that shouldn’t have been interrupted. Now Alice was crying.

For a long time he had wondered how Payton would react if he found out. Alice had been his girlfriend for years, and James was his best friend. He would kick him out of the campaign for sure and probably never speak to him again. Any man would be furious, some might even become violent. But not Payton.

All he could talk about was the campaign. Trains, tracks, conductors. Like all of this was somehow James trying to steal his position, his spotlight. Payton didn’t even mention Alice. He didn’t contest when James repeatedly told him he was in love with his girlfriend. He wasn’t jealous; he reacted like a boss finding two of his employees having an affair during work hours, not as a cheated boyfriend.

It was James who almost punched him in the face for that. He could not stand the realization that the woman he was in love with adored a man who didn’t see her as anything but a piece of a track. He knew Payton was focused and self-serving, but he never saw how far that self-centeredness went until that very moment.

He found Alice in the same place in her room, drowning in her own tears. He sat next to her in the bed and tried to reach for her face, but she moved away. He tried a second time and managed to wipe away some tears from her cheek with his thumb.

"He hates me, doesn’t he? He will never forgive me…"

"Shh…" He tried to soothe her with slow caresses of her hair. "I don’t think he does…"

"What did he say?" Her voice was swallowed by the unceasing tears.

"He mostly just… talked about the campaign."

"He still wants me as his first-lady?" A spark of hope appeared on her face.

"Yes, he does."

She continued to cry, but he sensed her relief. James could only run his fingers through her hair, hesitant to say what was on his mind. 

"Alice…" he tried to start. "Are you sure what you and Payton have is… healthy?

"What are you talking about?" She lifted her chin to look at him.

"It’s just that… He doesn’t seem to like you for you, he saw us together and all he thought about was his campaign. It’s like… you are just his perfect first-lady-- not his girlfriend, and not your own person." He spoke slowly, still trying to figure out his own thoughts. "Meanwhile, you're ready to take a bullet for him."

She swallowed her tears. Her eyes turned cold. "I am his first-lady. And he loves me. Stop trying to put us against each other, this treachery doesn’t suit you."

"What? That is not what I’m doing. I just found it really weird that all he could think about was this lifelong plan…"

"He is right, we have a plan. I’m his first-lady and you are his advisor. This was a mistake."

She tried to get up, by James held her by the arm. "No, Payton has a plan. And he doesn’t seem to see anything besides that plan-- he couldn’t even understand that this had nothing to do with his precious future presidency. We shouldn’t live our whole lives according to his plan."

She looked away, her expression unreadable. He insisted, "Shouldn’t we have something that doesn’t revolve around him?"

He held both her hands in his. His heart rate accelerated. He was part of the plan, he helped create the plan, he was one of its most loyal followers, he wanted to get to the white house just as much as Payton. But he looked at Alice and a deep sense of injustice flooded through him as he watched what they were supposed to deprive themselves from-- all in the name of The Plan. He considered everything they could be if they only worried about the present.

"You’re the best woman I know. You deserve better than to be defined by a husband, to be a pawn in someone’s game." He kept his eyes on hers, his hands were shaking. He wanted to kiss all her insecurities away. "I… I’m in love with you, Alice Charles. And I’m not saying that because I want a trophy wife. I just think you are the best thing that has ever happened to me."

James had said it to Payton earlier, but he hadn’t told her yet. There was no turning back now.

As for Alice, she had heard the same words multiple times from Payton, like when she proposed they’d break up as long as he looked back at her as they pass each other in the halls. None of these times did she see in Payton’s actions the honesty James was offering. He stuttered slightly when he said it, she could feel his pulse like a racehorse in his chest, she knew he was not performing.

It was so true, so sincere, that she had to run away from it.

— You’re wrong about him. He does love me, and I cannot live without him. This whole affair was a mistake. I don’t even like you.

He smiled skeptically.

"I don’t believe a word you’re saying. And the worst part is that you don’t believe it either."

"You’re delusional."

He got up, buttoned up his shirt and put on his shoes. He stared at her one last time before he left.

"Look into my eyes, Alice. Look into my eyes and say you don’t feel anything when I’m with you."

She met his sad, hurt eyes with her freezing cold ones. "I don’t love you. Every moment we spent together was a mistake and a betrayal. Leave my house."

He did, without a word.

.

"Why are you avoiding me?"

James turned his face to the direction of the cold, familiar voice behind him. Any other white wedding gown would look out of place next to the dirty building James was leaning against, in that rainy New York night, but around Alice’s body, this one was right where it belonged. She was more beautiful than ever, but her face had no happiness. 

"Why are you not upstairs with Payton and everyone?" He replied, avoiding her stare.

"Answer my question."

"I’m not."

"This is not fair, James." She walked closer, only one step away from being covered in rain. "Do you really expect me to believe you just felt like being alone in the cold for the last half hour?"

"Why are you here?" His expression was calculating and suspicious.

"I came to check on you." Her voice softened a bit. "I missed you."

He said nothing. He knew he was being too harsh on her after all this time, but he couldn’t bring himself to let his walls down.

"Aren’t you excited about the campaign?" She tried to change the subject.

"Yes. Are you excited to be his first lady again?" There was some anger in his voice, but it was still less than she might’ve expected.

"I’m not sure. I still haven’t made my decision. As far as everyone knows, my marriage is only on hold. Although, I doubt I can just go back now like nothing had happened."

He looked her in the eyes for the first time in years.

"But you ran away for Payton."

She nodded.

"He was the one who went after me."

"He is the love of your life." 

She nodded once more. A few meters away, there was an old man playing the saxophone for some change, filling the silence between them. It was a slow, uncomplicated and unpretentious rhythm.

If James was an old man with a saxophone, Payton was an entire perfectly trained orchestra, Alice thought. Yet, she could listen to that simple music for hours.

As she moved her head to the song, she saw what seemed to be a hint of a smile on James.

"Would you give this runway bride a dance?"

He stopped at her the proposal, hesitant for seconds that felt much longer, until his response came in the form of offering his hand to take hers.

"Yes."

.

Alice knocked on the door three times and shifted the weight from one leg to the other. She felt restless and anxious. The minute it took James to open the door felt like hours.

"Oh, hi, Alice."

He furrowed his brow at the sight of her, clearly not expecting her visit. She didn’t text or gave any sort of warning. Tension built in her at the thought that perhaps James was with someone else that particular day and wouldn’t have time for her.

"Hi. May I come in?"

"Sure…"

He gave her space to enter his house. She walked straight to his room without a word. Once there, she held him by the shoulders and kissed him. He accepted it, although Alice could notice there was much more hesitance in his kiss than there was usually which she had no patience for. She pushed James to sit in his bed and climbed on top of him. He just watched her do her thing, as she unbuttoned her white shirt with a hush very unlike Alice.

"Are you okay?" He tried to ask.

"Yeah. Great. Stop talking and fuck me." Alice replied before quickly going back to kissing.

They made out for a few minutes, although James took a while to relax from his surprised state. When he finally did start giving Alice real attention, he had to stop because he heard soft whines coming from her mouth, not the aroused type. When he opened his eyes, Alice was crying.

"Hey, hey, hey, what happened?" He pulled away and caressed her shoulder with one hand. "Did I do something wrong?"

She moved her head as a no, but before she could say anything, the silent cry became an overwhelming, messy sob. James hadn’t seen many people cry in front of him in his life; thus he had no idea how to react. He just kept silently stroking her hair as she laid her head on his lap and cried for almost an hour.

He waited for her to calm down at least a bit before saying anything.

"Are you ready to tell me what happened?" He said after he hadn't heard any loud sound from her in a while. 

She tried to start a sentence a few times, but was defeated by her own cries. Finally, she managed to mutter:

"Payton didn’t look back. Today, in the hallway. I asked him for this one thing…"

"Oh…" James remembered the plan they had. Alice had asked that to make sure her and Payton were okay even if they were pretending to break up.

"What if he actually meant it? The breakup? What if it was real? What have I done…?"

The crying began again. James continued watching, powerless to stop any of it. He wished he could hug her and put all the pieces back together. He wished there was anything he could do. All he wanted was to see her happy. He thought of her all the time; he wanted to be with her all the time; he wanted to make sure nothing made her feel like this again.

That’s when it hit him. He was in love with her.

Completely, unequivocally, foolishly, in love. His best friend’s girlfriend, a centerpiece of their plan. It was supposed to be just an affair, but it got out of hand. How else could he bare so patiently her sobs in his lap and still think her red swallowed face was the prettiest he had ever seen?

She eventually stopped crying, got up, showered alone in his bathroom and dressed in one of his shirts. She stayed the night, curled up in his chest. They didn’t have sex; they just exchanged some kisses that felt more dangerously intimate than anything else. James could not relax again, as his mind went back and forth, trying to figure out what Alice felt about him. She had cried to him, she trusted him, but her intentions on that day were clearly to have sex to distract herself from her problems. That one fact seemed to eat James alive.

"Alice…" He called when she was about to snooze off. "I am not just a distraction to you, am I…?"

Part of him hoped she couldn’t listen to him.

"What are you talking about?" She replied rather sleepily, cuddling a little closer. "Of course you’re not. We’re lovers."

Lovers?

He smiled. He could get used to that.

_ Lovers _ .

.

Alice was humming lowly to the saxophone song as they danced on the empty street. She had her arms around James’ shoulders while he held her by the waist, but their bodies kept a safe distant from each other. No one said a word.

When the song ended, the old man took a break before the next one to yell, from the distance, at them.

"It’s not every day we see a runaway bride! You’re clearly not dressed as a fiancé, boy! This one is very pretty and she must like you very much! Better marry her fast before she runs away with someone else!"

"Oh, she’s not my… We’re not…. " James tried to clear it up, but the old man didn’t seem to listen

"Another one? Alright, just for you!"

The man returned to his saxophone and they kept slowly dancing, never looking at each other.

"Not my runaway bride… " James muttered under his breath with a small, bitter smile. "Shouldn’t Payton be the one here with you?"

"I’ll have plenty of time to dance with him, if I stay—"

"If…?"

"I love Thad, I do. And I was excited to marry him until Payton showed up… I didn’t want to still love him so much…"

James was quietly listening. Perhaps his lack of words that night was just punishment for all they went through, but Alice knew, regardless of that, he was listening to her attentively, he always did. During most of their affair, he was her shoulder to cry, never complaining, never wanting something in return like so many guys would. She sometimes wished he had been a jerk and that she could truly say that affair was only ever about sex, like she told Payton at the café, lying. But no, James was perfectly decent, and loving, and dedicated. Even after she broke up with him, after running away to be with his best friend, he was here, holding her and listening attentively as she rambled about her love life.

"I’m sorry, James." She found herself saying. "You were the first one to tell me my love for Payton was not healthy, and it took me so long to realize how right you were… And now I’m here again…"

"Payton has changed. When he went after you, he wanted to get back to his girl and his love, not to a perfect first-lady. I was wrong."

"I was never fair to you…" She didn’t want to hear about Payton, not at that exact moment.

"It’s alright." He had a hint of a resigned smile in his lips. "I should’ve known, back then, that I would never be who you wanted. I’m sorry for insisting back then."

He was genuine too, which made Alice deeply sad, for she hadn't been honest when she convinced him of that. There, dancing in her wedding dress, she wondered if things could have been different if she had never asked James to leave, if she would meet him at the end of the altar and not run away. In another life, that could’ve been her happy ending.

"You know… When you called me, after Payton saw my invitation…" her words were hesitant, careful. "I did think for a second you would be the one to show up and try to steal me away."

James chucked.,

"I would never be the guy you would leave someone in the altar for."

Hearing that broke her heart in a completely new way.

The song in the saxophone seemed to build up with the atmosphere and create a strong sense of anticipation in the air. She looked him in the eyes.

"You think too little of yourself." She softly touched his faces. "You could have been."

Perhaps, in another life.

She kissed him in the rain.

.

"And I warned you. I said this was going to destroy everything we worked for. But you didn’t listen."

Alice felt the weight of James’ words as he talked to Payton, his expression was of true grief from the loss of their plan. He was going to jump ship so it would be just her and Payton. They couldn’t get anywhere without James and McAfee. And she didn’t want to go anywhere like this.

"So I’m sorry Payton, I truly am. But I’m out. I’m out."

She watched him walk away, all their plans shattered for good. And when Payton asked what she thought, she couldn’t hold his hand.

"I think the dream is over…"

They were silent for a few minutes, until she got up and left too, without looking back.

She found James in his car, parked in front of Payton’s house. His dream was over too. There was only one bright side to all of this. She walked to him and knocked on his car window.

"Take me away from here."

And he did.

Alice woke up the next morning in her own bed, alone. The silky sheets were a mess. She felt her entire body against the mattress, where last night her skin had melted like warm milk on James’ hands. He had touched her, and kissed her, and looked at her as a man looks at a woman. A woman, a lover. Never as a first lady, never as a future, never as a wife.

James was not a particularly terrible liar, but there was never an ounce of performance in the way he loved; he was always too good to be perfect. Perhaps that is why he could never be a politician; he only knew how to be a man. That, too, was something Payton had yet to learn.

She closed her eyes once more and allowed herself to swim in the memories of James, lest she be drowned in the ones of Payton. After some time, the door of the room opened and Alice saw James. He was not wearing his usual shirt and tie, just the juvenile casualty of an old t-shirt that made him look young, like he was. They also made his shoulders wider and gave him an oddly effortless, masculine look despite his small size, to which she pleasantly observed with her half-closed eyes. He held in his hands a tray of homemade breakfast for her.

"Good morning." He greeted, sitting next to her in her bed. "I asked Thomas to make your favorites."

She smiled and stretched on the bed before sitting up to eat.

"Good morning." She felt lazy and red at his thoughtful gesture. "You’re such a gentleman."

"Anytime." He winked and kissed her on the knee.

Alice noticed, while she ate, James staring mindlessly at her. It was quite natural and comfortable to just be like this, with him. Now that there was no more plan and no more Payton, she could have this. It was true that she loved Payton more than she could ever love anybody else, and she knew he loved her too, but she wasn’t sure if he was ever  _ in _ _ love_ with her. James was in love, there was no doubt. Maybe it was time to move forward with this new kind of love. It would be so easy.

"So…" James broke the silence after a few minutes. "I was hoping we could talk. About this. Us."

She took a sip of her coffee and held her body in a completely neutral manner. However, she felt a small tug of anxiety pass through her, like a small insect crawling up her spine.

"Yes. What do you want to say?"

"Look, I know this is not the best time and we’re both sad about everything that happened…" He started, clearly not sure of what he was saying or how to say it. "And I know last time we talked you told me you felt nothing for me whatsoever…" He kept rambling. "But I really like you, and I was hoping we could start fresh."

There it was, there was her opportunity. James was waiting for an answer. Had she just said yes, he would do his best to make her happy, she knew it. She loved Payton, but maybe she could learn to be in love with James. They had been lovers, after all. But that was different. Could she really be happy with something so unapologetically real?

Perhaps in another life.

"I think there has been a misunderstanding." Sometimes, people are afraid of the things they want. Sometimes it’s easier to run away. "Last night I was very upset, and I needed a distraction. That was it. I’m sorry if I lead you on."

That was not a lie, but it was not all truth either.

"A distraction." He nodded, and the look on his face was of such disappointment that if Alice was a little less controlled, she would’ve hugged him and never let go. "I see."

He got up, took his shoes and headed to the door. Before he left, he looked back at her.

"Just do me a favor and don’t call me again." He asked, quietly. "I’m sure there are many guys that would like being your distraction next time."

Alice was alone. 

.

It was James, this time, the one who pulled away from the kiss.

"Alice, I don’t think this is a good idea."

His eyes seemed to always be so sad around her.

"You’re right." Alice looked down, hiding the shame that swept her face. "I’m already too confused as it is."

"Actually, that’s not what I’m talking about..." he sighed, "Payton is going through a really tough time, and he really loves you. I can’t do this to him, not now. Thank you for the dance."

Payton loved her. That was what she always told herself every time she told James to leave.

"Yes, I know." She put her hand on his cheek, and to her surprise, leaned into the touch. "I do wish I had loved you… when I had the chance."

That too, in another life.

She let go of his embrace, back upstairs where Payton waited for her. When she was about to leave, she turned away, and James looked back at her. The saxophone was gone, there was no more music.

And she left him in the rain.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time i post anything in english, which is not my first languages, and this would not be possible without the editing and help of dandelionroar. I hope everyone enjoyed it and comments will make me happy.


End file.
